Help! My Toddler Mixes Up Pronouns
Does your toddler mix up their pronouns? If so, you likely don’t need to worry very much because pronoun confusion is actually a really common and typical part of language development. This post will help you understand why your toddler is confusing their pronouns, when you can expect them to use pronouns properly, and instances where pronoun confusion is a sign that you should seek support from a speech therapist.
What Is A Pronoun?
First up, let’s discuss what a pronoun is. A pronoun is a word used in place of a noun (which is a person, place, or thing). Examples of pronouns are
I
Me
You
This
That
She
He
They
It
…but there are more, too!
Why Do Toddlers Confuse Their Pronouns?
Pronoun usage can be pretty abstract. It changes depending on who’s speaking and who’s listening, so toddlers don’t automatically understand that they need to use the opposite pronoun for themselves. So if your toddler mixes up pronouns, don’t worry too much! It’s really common. (I remember my (Carly’s) daughter would say, “Mama, carry you me!” and it was just so cute.)
Because toddlers are so often hearing pronouns modeled in the opposite way than they’d say them, they can get confused pretty easily. They hear us say things like, “I’m going to carry you,” and don’t immediately understand how to turn that into, “Can you carry me?” when they want you to. The same goes for other common examples like, “My turn!” and, “I can help you.”
For most children, pronoun confusion is a short phase that will pass when it’s developmentally appropriate. But if it seems like your child could use some extra support with this, definitely reach out to a speech-language pathologist for an evaluation. (It’s never a bad idea!)
When Do Children Learn To Use Pronouns Correctly?
This whole pronoun thing is pretty tricky for little ones, so it does take some time. And, just like in other areas of development, there’s a range within which children typically acquire the skill of properly using pronouns.
So while our children don’t fit into perfect little boxes, the following information should give you a general idea of when to expect the different pronouns to emerge:
12-26 Months: I, It (Subjective)
27-30 Months: My, Me, Mine, You
31-34 Months: Your, He, She, Yours, We
35-40 Months: They, Us, His, Hers, Them, Her
41-46 Months: It, Our, Him, Myself, Yourself, Ours, Their, Theirs
47+ Months: Herself, Himself, Itself, Ourselves, Yourselves, Themselves
Here’s a handy little graphic you can download, Pin, or screenshot if you want to come back to this later:
Fun Fact: Younger Siblings Often Learn Pronouns Faster!
If you have multiple littles at home, try paying attention to how your younger children pick up pronouns compared to your first. Because interestingly, younger siblings are often more advanced in their pronoun usage than older siblings.
The research isn’t 100% clear on why this happens, but we think it could be because younger children overhear conversations in the home where family members are modeling the use of more varied pronouns. Whereas, with first-born children, everything is really child-directed. So they just don’t hear as many pronouns.
What To Do If Your Toddler Is Mixing Up Pronouns
As you can see, learning proper pronoun usage takes time. So if your toddler’s pronoun usage is a little confused but falls within the “average” ranges we listed above, there’s no need to over-correct their pronoun confusion. We always want to keep communication positive for little ones just learning to talk, and over-correcting can make talking feel hard or embarrassing for them. Just keep modeling pronoun usage in the appropriate way. Most kids will eventually start to get it on their own.
But, if your toddler is continuing to confuse pronouns past these age ranges, here are some things to try:
#1 Focus on comprehension first
Before a child will say the pronoun currently, they have to be able to understand it. Do they demonstrate understanding of the pronoun they are not saying correctly? You can ask your child questions (in a light and playful way of course!) like, “Where are your shoes? Where are my shoes?”
#2 Try Using Gestures
While taking turns throwing a ball, tap your own chest while saying “My turn” or “I’ll do it.” Then, when it’s your child’s turn, model the opposite pronouns for them, as if they were saying it. Tap on their chest gently and say, “My turn,” or, “I’ll do it,” so they start to associate the phrase with what’s happening in the moment. You can tap on their chest as you prompt them to say “My turn!”
#3 Practice Using A Book
A book can help give little ones a bit of structure and predictability when they're learning something new. We recommend using a book to practice sentences such as "I see a dog,” “I see a balloon,” “I see a tree,” etc. You can also practice things like, "She is sliding,” “She is swinging,” and, “She is jumping," over and over. The repetition will be so helpful in solidifying pronouns.
#4 Pair The Pronoun With A Proper Noun
To help it start to click, you can say the proper noun with the pronoun. For example, “This is daddy's coat. It’s HIS coat.” And, “This is mommy's coat. It’s MY coat.”
#5 Play Games with Turn-Taking Involved
We have a list of game recommendations for toddlers to get you started. As you play, you can ask questions like, “Whose turn is it?” and practice words like my, your, his, and hers.
#6 Gentle Correction
We don’t recommend overly correcting your child when they’re communicating with you, but when done in a playful way, a gentle correction can help them hear the correct word in context. (E.g. If they say, “It swimming” you could respond with, “Ohhh! You mean they are swimming.”)
#7 See A Speech Therapist
We recommend seeking a speech and language assessment any time you have concerns about an aspect of your child’s speech and/or language development. Remember, you know your child so well, and as their parent, your concerns are always valid.
Keep Track Of Your Toddler’s Communication Progress
Pronoun usage is one milestone of many that speech therapists look for when evaluating children’s speech and language development. To figure out where your child is at with other important communication skills, download a free copy of our toddler language milestones checklist! It’ll give you insights into what skills your child has down, which ones are coming next, and how you can help them along.